Have been meaning to get back to this for a bit, having been inspired by a certain Coffee and Cupcakes lady to just jolly well get on with it!!! Please forgive rubbish spelling, punctuation etc etc I blog like I chat ...verbal diarrhoea comes to mind!!!
I have got into a bit of a habit of shutting down everything that I love doing, when things are a little bit more than tough, and just ploughing through has taken it's toll on me a bit if I'm honest. I have a theory, and it could be rubbish - it has been known - that when we only see the good stuff, it can make us feel, that if we are finding life hard or feeling negatively about situations, that there is something wrong with us and everyone else has the perfect life. (see what I mean about punctuation!). That's how I've been feeling, like I'm not good enough. I say that without feeling pathetic about it, it's just the truth. We spend all day being bombarded with images of the perfect woman/wife/mum/teacher and I just don't cut it.
I am destined to always be a bit plump, I get grumpy when the kids don't put their school bags in the right place, my hair generally looks like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, I don't always spend enough time listening to my hub when I should - whilst cooking him cordon bleu meals and sometimes I get fed up with having to open up Cubase correctly for 240 small humans on a Thursday and Friday instead of being able to impart a great wealth of knowledge and wisdom to them all. (they can get through 10 million levels on flappy bird but somehow Cubase is too taxing!!!).
I recently started out on that 100 happy days photo malarkey thingy, and I have seen some wonderful photos and their great experiences over their 100 happy days. For me however, it was a really negative experience, I had some great days and then when I was having a really pants one I still had to find something great to photo and comment on!!
That should be easy right? Nooooooo when you have just had your gorgeous but incredibly defiant, strongwilled 4 year old scream and shout at you for nearly an hour, and you have 5 peoples worth of washing to do, your house looks like a herd of ancient trolls had bundled through, you have homework to monitor, your usually perfect teenager is having one of those days and your husband is feeling grumpy, tired and overworked, and you have your own lesson planning to do, no I doooo not want to take a photo of something positive! I want to wallow for a bit, have a cuppa tea, bar of chocolate or 4, maybe a quick rant and then I may just start to be able to count my blessings hug and listen to my hubby, get on with cleaning up after the trolls, cook dinner and make my house fit for my lovely mum to come look after youngest whilst I go teach!!
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for everything I have, my kids are gorgeous - most days :) - I have lots of help from my mum and dad, lovely friends, a roof over my head and more than enough to have a happy life. It's just that trying to be positive and happy all the time, because that's how I think society expects me to be, just isn't working, and I'm probably not alone.
Recently, I have been really quite relieved to hear other friends share their trials and tribulations, openly and honestly. I am not the only one who has a 4 year old that screams like he's being murdered at bed time, I am not the only one who is dealing with a family member battling cancer, and I'm not the only one who has lost babies before having a chance to meet and hold them. But I am the one who isn't talking about it.
It has made me realise that talking about things that we find difficult, isn't necessarily a negative thing. It's how we deal with our stuff that can be the positive thing, and hearing how my friends are coping and moving on from their difficulties is a truly inspiring business. There is power and strength in knowing we are not alone, and having friends and family to spur us on is a wonderful thing.
From now on I'm going to try and be a bit more open, and stop bottling it all up, in the hope that I can show others that they are not alone. You will of course have to put up with all my usual silly humour too, constant talking about my family and about the positive things in my life.
As much as I would like for all of us to never have to face illness and hurt again, for us or our families, I'm just glad we have each other.
I am not perfect (especially my reverse parking) and that's ok, (the dents in the bumper not so ok, sorry hub!!!!!!)
Thank you to my lovely friends, you are an inspiration.
I have got into a bit of a habit of shutting down everything that I love doing, when things are a little bit more than tough, and just ploughing through has taken it's toll on me a bit if I'm honest. I have a theory, and it could be rubbish - it has been known - that when we only see the good stuff, it can make us feel, that if we are finding life hard or feeling negatively about situations, that there is something wrong with us and everyone else has the perfect life. (see what I mean about punctuation!). That's how I've been feeling, like I'm not good enough. I say that without feeling pathetic about it, it's just the truth. We spend all day being bombarded with images of the perfect woman/wife/mum/teacher and I just don't cut it.
I am destined to always be a bit plump, I get grumpy when the kids don't put their school bags in the right place, my hair generally looks like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, I don't always spend enough time listening to my hub when I should - whilst cooking him cordon bleu meals and sometimes I get fed up with having to open up Cubase correctly for 240 small humans on a Thursday and Friday instead of being able to impart a great wealth of knowledge and wisdom to them all. (they can get through 10 million levels on flappy bird but somehow Cubase is too taxing!!!).
I recently started out on that 100 happy days photo malarkey thingy, and I have seen some wonderful photos and their great experiences over their 100 happy days. For me however, it was a really negative experience, I had some great days and then when I was having a really pants one I still had to find something great to photo and comment on!!
That should be easy right? Nooooooo when you have just had your gorgeous but incredibly defiant, strongwilled 4 year old scream and shout at you for nearly an hour, and you have 5 peoples worth of washing to do, your house looks like a herd of ancient trolls had bundled through, you have homework to monitor, your usually perfect teenager is having one of those days and your husband is feeling grumpy, tired and overworked, and you have your own lesson planning to do, no I doooo not want to take a photo of something positive! I want to wallow for a bit, have a cuppa tea, bar of chocolate or 4, maybe a quick rant and then I may just start to be able to count my blessings hug and listen to my hubby, get on with cleaning up after the trolls, cook dinner and make my house fit for my lovely mum to come look after youngest whilst I go teach!!
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for everything I have, my kids are gorgeous - most days :) - I have lots of help from my mum and dad, lovely friends, a roof over my head and more than enough to have a happy life. It's just that trying to be positive and happy all the time, because that's how I think society expects me to be, just isn't working, and I'm probably not alone.
Recently, I have been really quite relieved to hear other friends share their trials and tribulations, openly and honestly. I am not the only one who has a 4 year old that screams like he's being murdered at bed time, I am not the only one who is dealing with a family member battling cancer, and I'm not the only one who has lost babies before having a chance to meet and hold them. But I am the one who isn't talking about it.
It has made me realise that talking about things that we find difficult, isn't necessarily a negative thing. It's how we deal with our stuff that can be the positive thing, and hearing how my friends are coping and moving on from their difficulties is a truly inspiring business. There is power and strength in knowing we are not alone, and having friends and family to spur us on is a wonderful thing.
From now on I'm going to try and be a bit more open, and stop bottling it all up, in the hope that I can show others that they are not alone. You will of course have to put up with all my usual silly humour too, constant talking about my family and about the positive things in my life.
As much as I would like for all of us to never have to face illness and hurt again, for us or our families, I'm just glad we have each other.
I am not perfect (especially my reverse parking) and that's ok, (the dents in the bumper not so ok, sorry hub!!!!!!)
Thank you to my lovely friends, you are an inspiration.
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